This blog post first appeared on the DIY blog, Fancy Little Things. It is the story of Jacinda's "change of heart."
I thought that I was in charge. Silly me. I
keep trying to hang onto things. I said, “I’m never going back to South
Africa.” Well, I was wrong. I’m going back in a few months.
My husband Matt and I spent a year in South
Africa from 2008-2009. I had a really hard time. I wanted to do
mission work more than anything, and was confused when I experienced
extreme homesickness, lack of enthusiasm for what I was doing, and the
sense that something wasn’t quite right. I hadn’t misheard God’s call,
had I? Why was it so hard? I thought everyone who goes to Africa never
wants to come home. Why was it that I couldn’t wait to get home? I
never wanted to go back.
Fast forward to October of 2012 at our
church-wide convention in Denver. We met with Dr. Jim and Beth
Blessman, founders of Blessman Ministries, Inc. (BMI). BMI was founded
in 2001. Operations are located in Urbandale, IA and outreach is based
from the Limpopo province of South Africa. They run medical clinics, a
church, a feeding program, and much more. The microenterprises they’ve
started provide people with skills and knowledge of a trade so they can
earn more money to support their families.
We’d met with the Blessmans multiple times
before. Matt even considered fulfilling his seminary internship
requirement in part in South Africa with BMI, though I didn’t want to
go. Immediately after speaking with the couple that October day in
Denver and with Beth on my own, and hearing from her that it’s normal
to be homesick, scared, doubtful and sad sometimes, I suddenly was
ready and willing to go back to South Africa. Things like this don’t
happen to me often, but when they do, I know it’s God speaking to my
heart and telling me His plan for me.
He was speaking into my heart, and I was no
longer afraid of going back to South Africa. I’ve learned that the
phrase “change of heart” is so real, because I most certainly wouldn’t have changed my own mind about it; it was undeniably and conclusively God changing my heart. Matt was stunned, as I had been staunchly against going back to South Africa for years. But he trusted it because it was such a sudden, huge change. It could have only been the hand of God.
I share all this with you because I know I’m not
alone in trying to control my life. God wants us to let go and let Him
do the work and the worrying. Psalm 46:10 says, “Cease striving and
know that I am God.” (NASB) When we trust God enough to let Him take
over, wonderful things happen. It takes some time and isn’t always easy
to “let go,” but keep praying for your grip to be loosened. I
encourage you to pray that God will make you aware of areas in your life
where you need to let go a little (or a lot!). Since God changed my
heart about South Africa, I have found it much easier to let go of many
other things in my life and let God take care of them. He keeps gently
reminding me that He is in the driver’s seat, and I can finally relax.
And I have. And it’s wonderful and freeing. Life is so much sweeter without having to worry about everything, knowing it’s all in God’s capable hands.
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